Tag Archives: Memoir

Faith as small as a mustard seed

The mustard seed is thought to be the smallest of all seeds, and yet it grows larger than all plants, into a tree that provides not only the delicious food accompaniment but also shade. You can eat the seeds as well as the large green leaves which are highly nutritious. It also grows the most beautiful yellow flowers.

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But it is the size of the seed we are most familiar with, because of the parable in the book of Mathew. The father of a boy approached Jesus and begged him to heal his son. He told him that the disciples had just tried but failed. Jesus healed the boy and when his disciples asked why they were unsuccessful, Jesus said to them ““Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” (Mathew 17, 20).

I love how so many of the parables in the Bible include nature and this parable speaks powerfully into my heart especially in this season I find myself in and my love for nature.

Having completed my book, Wild Wheat, I now face the next stage, the not so romantic one, that of raising funds to publish it. I decided some time ago that self publishing was the way for me because I want this book to be my baby, written my way, in my voice and to represent me, not a publishing company who will look at it purely from a business perspective.

This book is so much more than ‘just a book’. It is a work of my soul, a labour of love that has turned me inside out, back to front and straight again. I’ve emptied myself on these pages and experienced great vulnerability. There have been days when I could not touch the laptop for fear of the pain that would be unearthed while writing about another memory, another trauma, another painful event that wounded me deeply.

Moreover, this book is not just my story but His story through mine. It talks about the traumas and all the hard things life throws that we try to figure out, fix, check against our many self help books or podcasts. But then it brings the reader to my place of desperation, the place where I had to wave my white flag on my knees inwardly screaming that I could no longer figure it out, put on a brave front, visualise my goals, pin the dream on a vision board, go through the 21 day habit changing program, see another counsellor, one more doctor, meditate another minute or pay a priest to pray for me harder.

It was twelve years ago that I embarked on a spiritual quest, stepping out of the religion of my forefathers and into an unknown world I had little understanding of. The years that followed were filled with so many lessons you will need to read the book to find out about them. I conformed and tried this other way, I learned and rebelled, I accepted then rejected, I fought against and then opened my door again, I researched, analysed, questioned, doubted, until I came to the place of surrender, and it was beautiful. If it wasn’t about God it could be the story of a marriage with the ups and downs, me, battling, walking away and returning again.

All along God was faithful of course, I was the work in progress, I was the one learning to let go, trust more, lean deeper and step out of the box people like to package God in. Oh the wonder of it all when one does this. It is beautiful.

And all this took place with faith as small as a mustard seed. Probably smaller. I’m still working to get to mustard seed size. When I do, apparently I’ll be moving mountains. Watch out world.

Now I need this seed sized faith to publish the book. To tell my story, His story, OUR story, to spread hope, to open the box, to see what is possible with just a little bit of faith.

If you want to jump on board with me and see this dream come true in its real, raw, honest, vulnerable narrative, you can follow my project, pledge, send moral support or pray. All of those are of value to me and I am grateful for all who have walked with me part of the way, held my hand a little, lifted me up, spoke encouragement, urged me on.

Let’s hope that my book will be like a mustard seed, growing into something that will help, make a difference, nourish souls, bring beauty, and most of all of course share hope.

Wild Wheat. A memoir by Michelle Foulia — Kickstarter

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